Wednesday, August 09, 2006

LiLo Gives Me a Stitch

True confessions time: despite (or, more realistically, because of) the boozing, the promiscuity, the fashion-victimhood, the dating Wilmer Valderrama, the spats with Duff and Paris Hilton, and for several other, unexplainable reasons, I heart Lindsay Lohan.

I know that I shouldn't, I know that it's wrong. And I'm not as fanatical as some; I don't follow her "music" career, I haven't been watching her in Disney flicks since she was a tyke, etc. But I did fall for her as a curvy, awkward-but-very-cute teen in Mean Girls, and I love the idea of her as Meryl Streep's emo poet-lite daughter in Prairie Home Companion. So, I'm willing to overlook the ways in which she acts like a spoiled brat, and instead simply covet her hair and clothing. [Note: a few weeks back, I found myself at a department store browsing scarves. What for? I had this vague image of rocking an oblong headscarf with big sunglasses and gallivanting all over Europe. It wasn't until I bought the thing that I realized where that fantasy came from. For the sake of everyone, I chose to forego the white bikini.]

Despite all that I'm willing to overlook, however, this new one really takes the cake. LiLo apparently wants to go entertain the troops in Iraq, because she's positioning herself as the new Marilyn Monroe. Here's the money quote:

It's so amazing seeing that one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who's basically a pinup, which is what I've always aspired to be.

Hoooboy. There are a number of things dreadfully wrong here, so let's break it down:
1. NOT A SENTENCE. Crap, I hate that. "One woman just going somewhere"...what? Get an active verb!!
2. The word "amazing." I hereby declare a 5 year moratorium on starlets using the word. As in Paris saying at an MS benefit: "My grandma had MS, so this is amazingly important to me." er, no.
3. Unclear referent here. Is it the pinup that she's always aspired to be, or the beautiful sex kitten? It doesn't matter to me, really, but be clear about it!

You'll notice that I've left the content out of it completely. Because it's just not worth it. We're through, LiLo. Kaput. Over. You're not fetch, and I'm taking down all of your TigerBeat pictures from my bedroom walls.


Blogger Dr. Crazy said...

I still heart her, even if she is barely literate. And at least she wants to use her bimbosity for good and not for evil. Think about how happy those troops would be if LiLo went to visit them. You don't see stupid Paris Hilton offering to entertain them. No Siree you don't. That Lindsay has a heart of gold, I'm telling you.

(I really do love her. I realized this when I was getting rid of magazines, and apparently I'd purchased like 7 with LiLo on the cover. I'm not sure what this says about me.)

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 2:33:00 PM  
Blogger kfluff said...

We were obviously separated at birth, Dr. C. LiLo's on the cover of Elle this month, so you can add that to your collection.

Heaven forfend, that Paris "entertain" the troops! We can all imagine what THAT would look like!

Thursday, August 10, 2006 11:10:00 AM  

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