Monday, January 14, 2008

Laughable, Man. HA!

Senor F. and I calculate that 10-15% of our communication is made up of quotes from other movies. A significant portion of that is actually quotes from the infinitely applicable Coen brothers masterpiece The Big Lebowski, from which I take the title of this post. I thought of it at least twice today:

Incident One
You know how sometimes your hair doesn't work, and sometimes the makeup doesn't work, and sometimes the outfit won't come together? And then, on rare occasions, it's an evil trifecta? Well, welcome to my day. I decided to wear a dress that I had bought, on which the neck was a little too plungy-plungy, and I couldn't find a camisole that looked right with it. [Because why are they all either lacy, or weirdly patterned, or orange, or white? Since the dress is black, orange makes it the Halloween outfit and white is a bit too caterer.] So I went for the classic: white button down shirt under black dress. That apparently solved, I smeared a hairdresser-approved product on my hair and commenced to dry. Despite the supposed straightening effects of said product, I was looking a bit fuzzy, and so I went to my old standby Aveda shine serum. Two down! Finally, I shoved some makeup on the face over sunblock. Of course, I had just spent 20 minutes with a hairdryer on full blast, and so I was sweaty and shiny from block.

Here's the long and short of it: I paused before leaving the house, and was shocked. Between the over-producted hair, the patchy makeup and the black on white outfit, I looked like a drag queen who likes to play Jane Eyre. I kept waiting for my students to ask "who ordered the governess dude?"

Incident Two
Speaking of students, I got an email today that made me laugh so hard I almost cried. Three years ago, I was teaching the dreaded survey course and I had a student we'll call Cher---because she's so incredibly clueless. In one short semester, Cher managed to accrue 7 absences (in a class that met twice a week), lie to me about having turned in two assignments, plagiarize a paper, and cheat on an exam. About halfway through the madness, I suggested to her that she withdraw from the course and try it again in a semester when she had less going on (or more going on in the student ethics department). No! She wasn't a girl who would give up! When she ended up failing the course (surprise!), she wrote me a series of emails about how she couldn't fail the course because she'd be kicked out of the college, how she was a student athlete, how she'd do anything to make it up. Sigh. F. Big Fat F.

The coda: she wrote me today to ask me to sign her into a full class. "I had you before and this topic is really interesting to me and I need three classes to graduate in the fall."

I'll spare you my obvious reaction, and leave you with the immortal words of The Jesus (post title hits at 00:35)


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